Guardian Angel
by Moomoogirl1
Summary: He tells her he's anything she wants him to be and the troubled girl decides that he is her guardian angel. She does not know he is her downfall. HitsuHina. Rated T for language and abuse. ONESHOT.


This came to me quite suddenly and not wanting to lose it I wrote it down as soon as I could. I think anyone who likes agsnt will like this one. It's a little distrubing even for me and it's a shame that the first fic I write of these two is a tragic one. Still glad I wrote it out though. Enjoy.

I do not own Bleach.

0o0o0

She meets him when she is twelve years old. She is young, pretty, and afraid. Her father is a monster who smashes her head against the wall when he gets mad and her mother is panic stricken woman who screams that she should have aborted this mess that she calls her daughter. Sitting limply in a sandbox much too small for her she draws meaningless shapes in the sand when he lightly kicks her thigh.

She looks up to see an unusual small boy with messy snow white hair and stunning aqua green eyes. She instantly wants to hug him and ruffle his hair despite the serious look he has on his face.

"Get up Momo." he says already knowing her name and without hesitation she obeys. She peers at him tentatively, wondering what an attractive boy like him wants with her yet alone how knows her name. He frowns frustrated at her behavior but as her eyes widen his frown turns into a gentle smile.

"It's okay Momo. You don't have to be afraid."

But she is always afraid, it's who she is. She wrings her hands together.

"Who are you?" she asks. He solemnly stares back at her.

"I'm anything you want me to be."

She decides right then and there that he is her guardian angel.

0o0o0

She names him Toshiro but calls him Shiro-chan much to his annoyance. They are the best of friends. As soon as school ends she runs out into the opening at the nearby park and she tackles him to the ground shaking with giggles. She likes to giggle with him. She never gets to do it anywhere else.

He then pushes her off and calls her "bed wetter Momo" (it isn't fair how he knows her every little secrets yet she knows so little about him). She pouts and retorts back and they go back and forth until even he falls onto the ground laughing.

She likes to watch the sun set and see the brilliant hues of yellow, orange, and red sink behind the horizon. He likes it too of course and after their lengthy conversations they become quiet to watch the spectacular event.

She feels an incredible peace that comes over her and she knows it's only because she's next to him that she feels this way. When night comes she reluctantly leaves his side but he roughly takes her hand and whispers that they will certainly meet each other tomorrow. He already knows the troubled life she lives and she is grateful he never asks to come in and protect her. Guardian angel or not she doesn't want protection, doesn't want him to see the madness she suffers. All she wants is his company and love and she will be alright.

But his love doesn't stop her father from throwing her down two flights of stairs and nearly breaking her head open. The next door neighbor decides that he has stayed quiet for too long and calls the police. She is nearly dead when the ambulance comes.

She doesn't remember any of the dreams she had in her slumber but she does remember wanting to see no one else but her Shiro-chan. When she wakes up he's right there hovering above her bed.

"Momo…" he whispers brokenly but she tries her best to smile and squeezes his hand.

0o0o0

She has to live with her grandmother now, the one she barely knows. The old woman is kind but she is senile and will occasionally remember the girl's name. But Momo loves her anyway. It is her who takes care of her granny as she cooks the meals, tucks her in her small bed, and kisses her goodnight.

She is fifteen now and is preparing for her entrance exams. She reasons that she does this proficiently alone and constantly puts down the invites her peers ask her to study in groups. Toshiro does not like this.

"You should have accepted." he scolds her. "They meant well." She simply shrugs her shoulders and latches onto his hand. All she has is Toshiro and granny. She doesn't need anyone else. She is too scared to want anyone else.

0o0o0

In high school her opinion changes when she meets her History teacher for the first time. He is tall, smooth, and has the most delightful smile. He pats her head and compliments her work. He is patient and doesn't seem to mind her anti-social behavior. Aizen-sama is perfect she tells Toshiro excitedly and Toshiro merely nods with little emotion.

She stays after school with her teacher to help him out with anything he needs. He sends her on errands and gives her treats when she had completed them all. She likes hearing his voice drift across the classroom that holds only the two of them and she decides that he is someone she can love too.

And one evening she is having so much fun that she doesn't realize that the sun is beginning to set. She immediately has a frightful fit in front of Aizen-sama because she has forgotten Toshiro. But the grown man takes her by her shoulders and as he pushes her against the wall he lifts up her skirt and mummers that he loves her.

She is silent when he kisses her lips but begins to tremble as his hand slips into her underwear. Her mind is an ocean filled with countless thoughts and she is trying to figure out how to respond. She then finally concludes that she too loves her sensei so this is okay. Besides no grown up has every told her that they love her. That is why she makes no protest when he deflowers her.

0o0o0

Some of her classmates are beginning to look at her funny and she is afraid to find out why. She wants to run into Toshiro's arms but she has not seen him in two weeks. She tries to clam down and convinces herself that he has an important mission to do in heaven. Till then she can continue to meet with Aizen-sama where he can touch her and tell her that he loves her.

When she stays after she is nervous as she always is before he takes her into him. There is a little part of her brain that tells her that Toshiro wouldn't like what she was doing but she quickly forgets it when Aizen gives her his beautiful smiles. They are in love so there is nothing wrong with what they do behind closed doors.

But the look on principle Ukitake's face when he opens the door is so mortified and furious that Momo wants to crumble into tears and die. Behind him assistant principle Kyouraku's is not looking any better.

He hisses, "Get off of her." and Aizen, smile gone, does so.

They take her to the office and there Ukitake tries gently to explain that what Aizen was doing with her was wrong. He should have never put his hands on her. Aizen's a bad person and now he will get his punishment.

"But he loves me." she tells him feeling raw and disgusting but Ukitake shakes his head and the police talking to Kyouraku are grim.

"But he does love me, he said so. He does…he does, he does, he does, he..." She can't stop repeating herself and continues on like a broken record that was near it's time. She's afraid that if she stops Ukitake will become right and her already damaged world will never make a recovery.

"Hinamori it was very wrong of him but he only used-"

She lets out a shrill scream to cut him off and wants her Shiro-chan.

0o0o0

She hasn't gone back to school yet. She is too scared to go back there. Everything there will remind her of Aizen-sama.

Granny sometimes comes into her room, strokes her cheek and cries. She is senile but she has learned a long time ago that when the police come by her door it is always about something heart breaking.

She lies motionless like the dead and refuses to speak when the police further question her. But she can't stop her ears from listening. They tell her she isn't the first one Aizen-sama "sexual abused". She also learns that it was a small group of suspicious classmates who reported to Ukitake. They tell her that she is free to come back to school anytime she wants to. But it's already going on week three and she can barely lift a finger. That is when she feels him lightly pat her shoulder.

She looks up at him. "Where were you?"

He looks back at her, desolate. "You wanted him, not me."

She realizes that he is right and blinks back her tears. She has cried too much already. "I'm sorry Shiro-chan…I'll never let you go again."

For some reason this does not make him any happier.

0o0o0

She goes back to school only because Toshiro coaxes her to do so. None of the students understand why Aizen is gone except for a select few. She chances a look at the few who had been looking at her oddly before she was found out. They are Izuru Kira, Renji Abarai and Rukia Kuchiki and Momo hates them with all her heart.

Ukitake calls her to his office, offers her candy that taste like lead in her mouth and tells her that while she has had some trouble in the past they will all be there to help her out if she needs it.

But she doesn't want their help. She keeps to herself and stares blankly back at all who try to talk to her. She doesn't need them, doesn't need anyone and while she opens her locker Toshiro is suddenly standing next to her looking severe.

"I'm not supposed to be here." he forces out and she can tell he's anxious but she doesn't care.

"I want you here." she tells him and doesn't notice the look a fellow student nearby gives her.

For the next few weeks she holds his hand and they walk together in the hallways of school. He never smiles when they are at school together and Momo assumes it is his nature not to show his affection amongst others. She is kind enough to let him go when she reaches class and whispers a goodbye as he cringes at the reactions of those nearby. But he is being silly and Momo does not plan to let him go. School is much easier to bear when he's there.

But after a month they walk to that little opening in the park and he begs her to stop bringing him to school with her.

"But I feel happier when you're there." she tells him innocently and he sharply shakes his head.

"My being there is not doing you any good Momo." he explains trying his best not to sound frustrated. "I'm sure you've already noticed that others are beginning to talk."

"They're just jealous that I can talk to my guardian angel and they can't. It's not that big of a deal…right Shiro-chan?" He looks at her with the wonderful eyes that she has grown to love so much and finds that he is breaking.

"You haven't realized it yet Momo? I'm…I'm not real."

Her eyes widen and things begin to turn surreal.

"What are you talking about? Of course you're real. You're an angel…you think I don't believe in angels?"

"That's not it Momo!" he yells and she whimpers at his outburst. "I'm only an angel because you wanted me to be an angel. You could think I'm a walrus and I'd be a walrus but that's only because I'm all in you head! Don't you get it?" Frantically he grabs hold of her shoulders and his eyes are wide with fright. "Momo you have to let go of me, right now. Please Momo, let go."

She shoves him away and screams. "No! Stop lying Shiro! You weren't saying all this before!"

"That's because I didn't know you'd hold onto me for so long. Let me go Momo!"

"If you wanted to leave you could have just said so!" she shrieks dejectedly and his shoulders hunch over.

"I can only leave you if you want me you leave you."

She holds her head up high feeling certain. "I want you to stay, so stay." He can only look at her, horrified, and then hugs her tight.

She loves him and she's slowly killing herself because of it.

0o0o0

Because she does not let go of him a more sinister force comes.

She doesn't meet him like she had meet Toshiro. She hears him first. When she feels alone and dirty he is there whispering bad things in the dark corners of her mind. His voice only gets louder, and louder, and louder and then when she is alone in the nearly empty school library he appears sitting in the chair before her, a large smile on his face.

"Hiya there ya piece of shit."

She grips onto her book tightly feeling nauseous and afraid. "Who are you?" He snickers and his terrifying smile only gets wider.

"I'm anything ya want me ta be." he says mockingly. "So what'sit that ya want me ta be?"

Somehow even the role of a demon isn't awful enough for him.

0o0o0

His name is Gin but he only has a name because he picked it out for himself. "Ya dad drank gin right?" he asks her and when she visibly shakes he laughs and pinches her hard.

Unlike Toshiro who had asked her not to bring him to school Gin loves to follow her around in public. He pokes and trips her as she walks through the halls and browses around the classroom when the teacher is talking, smiling all the while.

Urahara-sama asks her to solve a chemistry problem on the broad and when Gin suddenly starts shouting out that a whore like her can't do shit she begins to gasp for air painfully and Urahara is at her side asking what's wrong.

Gin is with her all day and when school finally ends she dashes out of the building to find Toshiro. She spots him in the park's opening and runs into his arms sobbing.

"Shiro! There's this, this…person that keeps hurting me and…!" Toshiro let's her go but still holds her hands.

"He's just like me Momo. And he won't go way until you admit we're not real."

But she yells protests and holds onto him more tightly than before.

0o0o0

"That little midget don't know what he's talkin' about. Course we're real."

Gin encircles his arms around her and she trashes about violently in the middle of gym class.

"That's right ya trashy little slut, show the world y're insane."

0o0o0

She's back at the principle's office and Ukitake looks at her greatly distressed.

"Hinamori…I've been given some reports from both your peers and teachers that you've been acting very strange."

She remains silent.

"Is there anything bothering you? If you're still troubled about what happened to you I'm right here Hinamori, you know that."

Then why does he seem so far away?

"Are you…seeing things that aren't there?"

All she sees is Gin looking down at her grinning.

0o0o0

Ukitake called the hospital. He wants her to meet him after school tomorrow (with an assistant named Nanao Ise she so she won't feel uncomfortable) and after they pick up her granny they can go to pay a doctor a visit.

"He thinks y're fucking nuts!" Gin chants at her side. "They're going to lock ya up, litte ugly Momo is nuts!" She quietly asks him to stop but Gin's having a ball and shouts it in her face.

"Y're nuts you whore! Y're nuts!"

She starts screaming and the people walking near her on the street look at her in shock. "Stop it! I SAID STOP IT GIN!"

"Little fucks like ya should just die!" Gin smiled gleefully. "Everyone hates ya Momo. Everyone Momo, everyone! Why the hell are ya even here?"

She runs home to Toshiro who, with anguish, holds her close.

0o0o0

Ukitake, Ise, and the patient's grandmother sit patiently in the psychologist's office and he gives them his findings.

"She didn't seem willing to talk at first but when I asked her if there was anyone she cared for she began to open up and talked about a boy named Toshiro. Supposedly he's been with her since elementary school. Have you heard of him?"

"Toshiro…" The old woman is quiet for a while and then speaks again. "Yes I hear her say that name when she cries…I thought it was her boyfriend or something like that. A pretty girl like her should have a boyfriend by now. My girl's very pretty isn't she?" She smiles forgetting just why they're here and Ukitake indulges her by nodding in agreement.

"Then she began to talk about another person named Gin who teases her at school."

"I don't recall a Gin in our school records." Nanao says furrowing her eyebrows together. "Are you sure that's not a nickname of some sorts?" The doctor shakes his head gravely and Ukitake's fears are confirmed.

"Gin and Toshiro aren't in anyone's records ma'am because they aren't real. Hinamori's schizophrenic."

0o0o0

They tell her she's sick. They tell her she needs help so she has to stay at the hospital for a while. They say she can better and she can start by taking these small little pills.

When she takes them both Gin and Toshiro begin to disappear. They all tell her this is a good thing.

But she doesn't think she can do it anymore.

0o0o0

And then ten months later....

On the grassy ledge the sunset is more bright, more beautiful than she's ever seen it before and Momo takes his hand feeling at peace. But he's not happy and the sight is lost on him.

"You stopped taking the medicine didn't you?"

She feels slightly guilty but thinks it's for the best. "Yeah."

He looks at her as if every word she says breaks him but she continues on before it's too late.

"Toshiro, I love you."

Toshiro takes his hand from hers, stands up and refuses to look at her. "You only love me because you're too afraid to love anything else, including yourself." He then looks at her and there are actually tears in his eyes.

"You're going to kill yourself today aren't you Momo?"

She stands up herself and calmly brushes the dirt from her jeans. It sounds ugly when he says it, like she's doing a bad thing. "You already knew that Toshiro. You knew all along."

Toshiro numbly nods but Momo knows it's only because she expects him to nod numbly. He's stayed beautiful and young all these years because she wants him to stay young and beautiful. And he tries to convince her to give him up because all along a part of her knew he was just a lie. She gets it now. She understands.

But she is afraid, she has always been afraid; it's who she is. And so it is Gin has won this long debated war. She stretches out her hand to him and bravely tries to smile. "It's time. You'll go with me?" She doesn't really have to ask because he can never say no to her. She wants it that way. Solemnly he takes it.

"You don't have to do this you know. You still have a chance." She faces the brilliant sun but already her world is growing darker.

"I know but I want to."

Before she can say anything else he quickly turns and passionately kisses her lips. Her head feels incredibly light and her soul is soaring high, so high it can never come down again. His green eyes shine and he lovingly whispers, "I love you Momo."

And then they jump.

0o0o0

She didn't want to live in a world where he wasn't real. She couldn't live in such a world.

Because Momo knew that loving Toshiro was the only way she could love herself.

0o0o0

I do not support suicide. In fact I'm strongly against it so don't think I find this okay.

Hopefully I can write a happier fic about this couple one day... Gin was fun to write out though despite the slight OCness.

Enjoyed? Moved? Distrubed? Mad? Then please review and tell me. Hearing your opinions really help.


End file.
